Legacy - (repost from FB)
A year ago, we saw Hamilton the musical. The major theme in the storytelling was legacy, and how different people try to achieve it. One had fiery passion and drive, while another believed about waiting for the right moment.
I related hard to both views. More so the latter. Typical Pisces, always having opposing currents pulling at their insides. I had strong passions but I am also too practical for my own good.
I was worried I wouldn’t leave much of a legacy so I worked on writing and completing a book (done), finishing a screenplay/tv pilot script (20% of the way but unlikely to finish) and other harebrained dreams, hoping I would get recognition or happiness from them.
In the end, I never achieved anything except some small feeling of accomplishment and a tiny boost in my drive to do more. That’s when I fell into twitch streaming. I strived to create a community for people struggling with mental health issues, the LGBTQ+ community, women, people of colour and people on the autism spectrum or who were affected by it. I wasn’t sure how I would pull it off but I opened myself up, much like I do in this group, so that people felt they could trust me and in turn open up to me.
My audience grew quickly because I put in time and effort and energy into supporting other streamers / talking to audiences in other chats and ensuring my stream had great quality and content.
But the community really grew strong in my discord, a platform not unlike Facebook / WhatsApp - we had some deep discussions about life, sex, mental health and even finance. We supported each other through our highs and lows. We became a Joxfam.
They were there throughout my symptoms and medical dramas in the US. They saw me in pain during streams, there are even clips where you see me clutching my sternum every time I’d laugh, cough or eat. It’s so hard to go back to watch now knowing it was cancer.
But despite my prognosis and diagnosis ... as I said in my gratitude post, I got to see my true legacy before my death. A luxury not many people get.
What is my legacy? It’s not my twitch stream though many things from it and this group have spawned amazing things.
No, my legacy will be how I’ve touched enough lives that I have so much support now and know that support will continue for my family and Stephen after I’m gone. My legacy lives now while I’m alive, in all of you. And will continue to live when you remember me and how I lived my life.
Aside from getting a miracle cure and having a normal esophagus and stomach again, there’s nothing more I could ask for.